Order Only: Private message to Alice and Remus

[alt_molly]

I talked with Remus this morning, and you can see that I've written to all my children except Ron.

The gist of what I told Remus and what I told the children was that I'm going to be deliberately stepping back from Ron, using Sherwood as an excuse. If Ron is going to rise in the Auror ranks, I believe he needs to be seen as breaking with me. It will make Antonin Dolohov and Savitha Desai happy, and more inclined to trust Ron.

Alice, I'm sure that Remus will fill you in on all the details of our conversation.

Comments

Private message to Alice

[alt_lupin]

We talked over tea this morning but I wasn't really able to summon up enough coherent thought to suggest this was a bad idea.

Not to make Dolohov and Desai think she's cutting Ron off: that might be clever (I'm not sure, actually) but the way she's going about it. When we were talking this morning, I assumed she and Ron had talked about it, but I don't think that's the case.

[alt_lupin]

Molly, I was coming off my transformation this morning and thus not really up to a real conversation about it. So -- let me just clarify something. Have you discussed this with Ron at all?

[alt_molly]

I have not.

Ginny has just scolded rounded me about that. I thought it would be best if I didn't, you see, that if it was conveyed secondhand, it would let him off the hook, that he wouldn't have to tell me that he wants me out of his life. Because he hasn't been talking to me, not just before Sherwood, but for months, ever since he started this Auror internship, so I had become convinced that it would be what would help him the most.

But I will tell him myself--no, discuss it with him, if you and Alice think it best.

Oh, Merlin, I've totally lost any sense of how to approach him anymore. But again, if you think it's the best thing for him, I will...I will present it as an idea. Not a fiat. And I'll give him the opportunity to veto it. If he wants.

[alt_lupin]

Molly, don't take this the wrong way -- I still have a headache but, did your other sons never quit talking to you? Other than Percy. I mean -- Bill, Charlie, the Twins? When they were seventeen?

I didn't have much to say to my parents around that time in my life and we got on rather well, all things considered. Admittedly, we weren't all in a secret organisation that was requiring me to do horrifying things.

[alt_molly]

I'm sorry I dumped this in your lap right after your transformation.

Well, yes, they didn't have much to say to me, but they did still talk with Arthur, you see.

Which is probably why I'm all at sea with Ron, and making every kind of mistake possible. Arthur was always so much better with the boys.

[alt_alice]

I can see how this has been a truly difficult time for you, Molly.

You know what my boggart was. There is so very much to be conflicted and worried over.

I've been staying up nights thinking about the people we've asked to do the hardest work of all of us, and how we might best support them.

I believe that cutting off all communication -- public and private -- would be a grave mistake. I believe that it would send a message to Ron that you do not intend. And that now, more than ever, these three young people especially need to know that what they are doing is for a purpose, a greater purpose that is worth the terrible sacrifices they are making, and that they are loved unconditionally. They are doing this for so many reasons -- for a larger moral purpose, yes, but also for the people they love.

I can see what you're trying to do, Molly. It comes from a good place. But he needs you, dearest. Remus is right -- teenagers have a way of pushing against one under the very best of circumstances, and now is not the time to pull back. You must be the adult, here, and not take his very real anger and distress personally.

Justin had a point -- he said it was all very raw, and that they needed time to process what happened. I don't think it is fair to weigh Ron's lack of response as having some greater meaning, other than the fact that he is hurting, and sad, and struggling mightily with what he has been ordered to do. Imagine, Molly. He believes with every fibre of his being that what he's done is an abomination.

He needs your steadiness, he needs your love, and he needs to know that you love him. Often.

And you need to trust his instincts, as well.

I would ask you to not write Ron to tell him you are considering cutting him off. Not so soon after he's been put in such a state. He has so many voices on the other side of things praising him. I would not have them trying to fill the rather enormous void you would have left in your wake with a false, seductive love that would make his life even more difficult, and would make him conflicted for all the wrong reasons.

[alt_alice]

Terry went through a rough patch when Neville was taken from us.

And all I wanted, more than anything, was to hold the children I had left to me close. I needed him. Like I needed air.

But he needed space, he needed distance, and I couldn't be selfish. What he needed was important, and necessary for his own well-being. And it took time, but when he was ready, he knew he was welcome.

[alt_molly]

Very well, Alice. And Remus. I thought it for the best, but since the Order leadership and my family have assured me it's not, I will abandon the plan and not say anything to Ron about it.

I'm sorry.

[alt_lupin]

Molly, this must be so hard for you.

Do you want to come round again later? I promise I'm more awake now than I was this morning.

Sirius views Justin as -- not quite a son. But you know, he's the one who got him into all this. And there are days that haunts him.

[alt_molly]

I feel like a total fool now.

Yes, I would like to come around again later.

[alt_lupin]

In addition to tea and sympathy (and firewhiskey), we've got a baby.

[alt_molly]

I do need to hold him, as long as Tonks can spare him.

[alt_alice]

I think that would be a lovely idea.

[alt_lupin]

Babies are so easy. Mind you, I didn't feel that way when we were up all night with Bea. But babies, you can hold them, and feed them, and tell them how much you love them, and that's all very simple, in its own way.

We rather have some teenagers now -- technically Hermione and Draco are adults and not ours, but some days that's a rather thin technicality -- to go with our babies and give us perspective.

Think about this, Molly: if we can turn things around, Adam could grow up in a world where Voldemort is a dim memory and he can't remember Death Eaters ever being the object of respect and fear instead of contempt and sorrow.

That's the world we're trying to make. All of us.

[alt_alice]

And I know you're questioning everything right now. There have been so many times I've mis-stepped as a parent. So many things I wish I'd said.

The best we can do is recognise that we're human, ask for forgiveness, and keep trying. But love is so deeply important. It's the most powerful weapon we have. Don't hold it back. Even as a public gesture.

Give it some time. Once things are a little less raw, ask him what he needs most from you, and listen to him.

Private message to Alice

[alt_molly]

Ginny's right.

I probably wouldn't have talked myself into thinking it was necessary if I still had Arthur here to advise me.

Please...at least do you understand my reasons? I didn't conceive of this plan because I'm rejecting Ron, or because I can't forgive him. Do you believe me?

Re: Private message to Alice

[alt_alice]

I know, love.

Of course you can forgive him.

This is undoubtedly the hardest thing he has been asked to do, and most likely ranks right up there for you as well, simply having to sit by and watch it. It is messy, it is horrible, and there are no clear solutions or choices. I can see why you'd be grasping at straws to find something, anything you could do.

Just not this, dearest.

Private message to Alice

[alt_lupin]

I need to talk to you today about the message Sirius got from Kingsley a few nights ago. He's having quite a bit of trouble with what Justin, Ron and Hydra are being asked to do.

I'm not sure if this is ultimately coming from the same visceral place but I do think it's the very last thing Ron needs.

Frankly I think it might be best to invoke our authority as leaders of the Order, and tell Molly to drop this idea. Completely. Don't even discuss it with Ron, just drop it.

But it's the morning after, it was an extremely rough night, and I may not be thinking clearly.

Re: Private message to Alice

[alt_alice]

Merlin above.

Fully agreed. Yes. I'll see what I can do.