Order Only: A day at Moddey Dhoo
Oct. 13th, 2011 11:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alt_mollyI arrived very early this morning, and Alice introduced me shortly after breakfast to the new children. Of course, the old timers swarmed around me as eagerly as ever, and that helped the new ones to warm up to me a bit. The ostensible purpose was to hand out new winter quilts, but my real purpose was to do a little quiet motherly assessment of the new arrivals, and in particular to spend the day mostly with Nicholas and Zachary. The photo album I brought along of Fred and George was a tremendous icebreaker (Judith said that the time they spent paging through it together was the first time she has ever heard them laugh), and they lost their shyness as they peppered me with eager questions about my boys. I think as the mother of twin boys I was quite an object of fascination for them. I have a hunch they do remember their own mother, but the subject is a painful one, and I did not press.
Alice, I think your initial impression is correct: they should NOT be forceably split up. It would make them too anxious, which I think should be avoided for now. It's a matter of trust: they've had their wills forced so badly that I think part of their healing will be learning that they can do what they like. Yet, I think much can be done to help them learn to tolerate developing some of their own individuality. They were mindlessly coerced into that mirror-type movement, and so it will be difficult to unlearn, but I have some ideas on that.
Since they don't like to be apart, I would suggest pairing them on chore duties, as you've been doing, but to try to find ways to put them to work so that their actions can't mimic one another. One thought that I had was that they could join the children who do shore scavaging, if you can persuade one of them to stay in the water, perhaps checking the lobster traps, while the other roams along the shore, looking for mussels. Since one would be in the water and one is on land, it would be more difficult for them to exactly mirror each other's movements. Or put them to work in the garden or greenhouse, but doing different tasks that require different movements: one can weed while the other waters or repots seedlings. Or have one feed the chickens while the other milks the goats. This would work best if you find a task that genuinely interests them, so they are concentrating on the tasks rather than each other. It would be helpful, if you can do it without being obvious about it, to position them so their backs are to one another, perhaps by engaging one or both of them in conversation.
Another thought is that you can have one of them work at learning how to repair the nets on shore as you take the other one out in the little boat with Frank and Danny. Just tell them casually that there is only room for one of them in the boat. Don't go out too far, and allow the other twin to stay within sight. Keep very close to shore at first, and only increase the distance very gradually, and ONLY if you can see they are both comfortable.
It's actually useful that their names are so different. I know that (now that they've dropped 'Dexter' and 'Sinister,' ugh) they like 'Nick' and 'Zack'--it sounds more 'twinnish,' but you might alternate that with calling them 'Nicholas' and 'Zachary,' which are more individually distinctive. Do try to encourage everybody (out of their earshot) to use their names, rather than lumping them together descriptively as 'the twins.'
I forgot to mention, Lisa Turpin crept forward and looked over their shoulders at the pictures when I mentioned that Ron was fourteen. I told her that Ron would have been in her year at Hogwarts and she might have been in the same House with him. She was rather dumbfounded at the idea, but then said quite firmly that she was happy where she was. A good sign, I think.
Alice, I think your initial impression is correct: they should NOT be forceably split up. It would make them too anxious, which I think should be avoided for now. It's a matter of trust: they've had their wills forced so badly that I think part of their healing will be learning that they can do what they like. Yet, I think much can be done to help them learn to tolerate developing some of their own individuality. They were mindlessly coerced into that mirror-type movement, and so it will be difficult to unlearn, but I have some ideas on that.
Since they don't like to be apart, I would suggest pairing them on chore duties, as you've been doing, but to try to find ways to put them to work so that their actions can't mimic one another. One thought that I had was that they could join the children who do shore scavaging, if you can persuade one of them to stay in the water, perhaps checking the lobster traps, while the other roams along the shore, looking for mussels. Since one would be in the water and one is on land, it would be more difficult for them to exactly mirror each other's movements. Or put them to work in the garden or greenhouse, but doing different tasks that require different movements: one can weed while the other waters or repots seedlings. Or have one feed the chickens while the other milks the goats. This would work best if you find a task that genuinely interests them, so they are concentrating on the tasks rather than each other. It would be helpful, if you can do it without being obvious about it, to position them so their backs are to one another, perhaps by engaging one or both of them in conversation.
Another thought is that you can have one of them work at learning how to repair the nets on shore as you take the other one out in the little boat with Frank and Danny. Just tell them casually that there is only room for one of them in the boat. Don't go out too far, and allow the other twin to stay within sight. Keep very close to shore at first, and only increase the distance very gradually, and ONLY if you can see they are both comfortable.
It's actually useful that their names are so different. I know that (now that they've dropped 'Dexter' and 'Sinister,' ugh) they like 'Nick' and 'Zack'--it sounds more 'twinnish,' but you might alternate that with calling them 'Nicholas' and 'Zachary,' which are more individually distinctive. Do try to encourage everybody (out of their earshot) to use their names, rather than lumping them together descriptively as 'the twins.'
I forgot to mention, Lisa Turpin crept forward and looked over their shoulders at the pictures when I mentioned that Ron was fourteen. I told her that Ron would have been in her year at Hogwarts and she might have been in the same House with him. She was rather dumbfounded at the idea, but then said quite firmly that she was happy where she was. A good sign, I think.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-14 04:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2011-10-14 05:02 pm (UTC)And that does sound like it would be just the thing -- to get them working together without doing the same exact thing -- and it has been such a relief to call them by their given names, too. I think that'll make a good deal of differences as well; Dexter and Sinister have to do everything together. Nicholas and Zachary don't have to follow the same rules.
It's good to hear that Lisa said something to you -- she's such a quiet thing, it's hard to tell how she's settling in here, but I'm glad she told you she's happy.